Wednesday, July 27, 2011

mind boggling

    Actually i have written something before this line,but then i erase it,i just dont know what to write,and guess how many times i erase whats been written in my blog post,oh my its like a hundred times before something pops out in my mind guess what...

    NOTHING AT  ALL,yah nothing so important. you know what im so tired, if i could i want to scream 'FREEZE! LET ME BREATH FOR A SECOND!' im so stressed maybe all of the things just came popping and im having a lot of awful times,i just cant move along,i jsut dont soo sleepy, my head is aching, i feel uneasy, my vision is blurred, seems like everything is mixed yp, and so i feel i dont have an energy anymore. I cant even move my arms to write,but i insist,i wanna out my feelings,at least in here i know no one says THAT THIS questions me WHAT HOW WHY im just so pissed off right now i cant even think directly i just dont know if i can bear with this and for how long can i stand.

    Someone makes me strive and get up,its God, its true because when i feel down and no one there to even sit beside me for a second when i look up when i look back its always Him whom i always keep blocking my way and tells me HEY!YOU CAN DO IT,THEY CAN SO YOU DO ALSO.

    I feel crazy about little things   in my life,i feel weird about myself, i know myself better now, but i just cant help it to feel awkward sometimes cause i know I've been too harsh on my close friend, im selfish cause i let him know im so totally angry with him,and i dont let him know the reason i just erase him in my life right away, i feel sorry for myself cause as i was walking down my life when i look back i dont see someone for me,its a very lonely path i was walking i did not give myself a chance to try those things. I dont have regrets of what i had decided but there is only one thing i do regret about,its my decision to watch how amazing the world is, if only i let them go with me maybe they will appreciate and they will be happy also of how i see the horizon and how i am amazed with what i saw, the only thing is there is no one want to hold my hand and come with me, and feel my adrenaline rush too, they just simply neglect what i want to offer,now i fel better writing these things, i dont know what would be the outcome of this post but at least i let my burden out for a minute i was typing,im writing stuff thats been popping my head and the emotions i was feeling at this very moment, hopefully one of this days i will bump to someone who is just like PRINCE/the person in the picture. he makes me special when i look at his sincerity every time i look at him smile i picture out myself. i just wanna say:
                                                   IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE

    Monday, July 25, 2011

    some realizations and some decisions

    Is it really applicable in real life?

    I decided to stop opening my personal Facebook account,their are a lot of things i should somehow give up,besides theirs  nothing  i will benefit opening and posting in it anyways,its true that its very in right now,but to people like me,its just simply opening a page,simple as that,so passive.. .>.<
    One more thing, im not done yet with my ex-bestfriend..."ex-bestfriend" yes,because i still hate the point i erase everything reminds me to him...i erase him in my friends list,i erase his number so i wont be able to text him,but,he texted me and then i wasn't able to recognize him so his piss off with me also,hahhah well its for the better anyways.

    I don't like liars,it will be the last resort of a person i would like,and for me that attitude is the WORST & the MOST BEAST of all the things i i understand and now i can answer all of my questions to myself well.

    How did i find and solve my self problems? maybe too complicated to elaborate all the things that sums up all my questions. yesterday someone makes me understood myself more,and helps me appreciate myself more. Someone explains me how do people think about me,it goes like this :
    "if i want something or if i have a goal and aim that i badly want i really do my best to obtain  it,i dont give up easily,just like if how i badly want my job now,it was so clear to me that im still existing on my work until now because i love my job and a dedicate my learnings to it...and i conclude that its really right,i really have a strong affirmation,i stand what i believe is right and i dont jump directly to conclusions,i make sure i wont fail badly,because you know we all not perfect but at our very least we should do our best to live our lives happily,a life we wont regret at the end because of we dont do this,we dont do that. Oh come on!we all have our choices,if we choose not to do it well we are just tangle in that very situation,unless we make our move to climb up and  breath some air,you know something like that. And then i was told your not a useless person,you make people happy,your kind,sweet,candid and their are lot of people expect you to be like that,to be like this that is why you contain your emotions and make people around you your ok with that even if it wasn't exactly  what you feel.
    I cant stop my tears from falling as i dig in more and more to myself,i came to a realization that all the things that i've hear is really the person i was looking for a long time,i really dont know that good person t\thats been said it was me,but then as i look back,i can say maybe they are right on saying i contain my emotions and set aside myself to make other people happy.
    And to my Singleness drama life,well as i dig that part,it was right im so alone because i was chasing after a bullet train indeed,why?cause i was chasing nothing but my own shadow,i dont let myself get out i make myself a prisoner and lock my heart away to people who loves me, maybe im not that brave but i know i made the right decisions in my life now,at least no one can point finger upon me at the end of the day cause i know i did not hurt anyone because im not into someones life,and no one can question how i manage to live my life cause i know theres no one to blame,and also i cant ask WHY I WAS ALONE because i choose this,i choose the path i've been walking through out my existence.
    Maybe for now,im single but maybe who knows and God only knows the time i will be ready to open up more myself to someone who is deserving also to love,a person who wont question my being and a person who can show me the difference between single and having commitment to someone,somebody who can make me feel that im wrong at some point and should accept the fact that i need to love the way i should be because as of now i havent seen someone who is true to his words,someone whom dignity is bigger than mine,and someone who makes me tongue tied hahhahah
    That is just some of the answers i get from a person who made me realize that at some point i was qwong at some thoughts i had in life,now its very clear unto my head,now im not bitter,im more open to myself a lil'bit,maybe i was just too much contain of my emotions that i reach to the point that i dont see whats going on around me,and now im more better than yesterday,i can trully say I LOVE MYSELF & THE LIFE I'VE BEEN love love....

    Saturday, July 23, 2011

    feeling my blues

    how nice to live life,isn't it?
    Im about to off from work today,it's been a very busy day for me...

    I notice that my shoulder is getting heavy everyday,dont know why,i dont think there is something wrong there should not be...i dont want to get sick i really wanna work,maybe im too hard unto myself...

    What im thinking right now is my never ending drama in my life well,i really wanna take a rest...

    By the way my ex-close friend texted me,a couple of hours ago,i really dont like to give him a reply,dont like talking and seeing him still piss off about that thing, i dont know maybe it's just me...maybe i have the problem why i cant really find someone who would understand me,im just too hard to people around me,maybe it's just me,cant blame anyone anyways...and im not blaming people either...

    it is just i want to find someone who has a strong affirmation in self,a man with backbone,a man that could be true to his words,someone who will not turn his back at me and someone willingly sees the bad side of me and love me despite of that bad side and will widely embrace me as a good one...i really wanna know that person who will understand the difference between that...

    If someone would have that quality im willing to smoothen my self maybe a strong word AFFIRMATION to anyone who really understood that,but for me its very important to someones self...nowadays,its just too hard to find a whole hearted and candid sad...

    For me my dreams are just air in the dessert...hahhahah muaaaahhhhh gotta go now...

                                                                                   feeling my blues...CherieAnnLines

    Friday, July 22, 2011

    funny messages my cousin send me last night "JEFFERSON RAPADA"

    For a long time i havent posted on blog,and then for this week i posted a lil'some,well right now i really dont know whats going on in my head,i may sound crazy but i really dont know...i have this expression
    "HAHAIZ >.<"

    Sometimes im easily piss off unto something or even to someone,my patience is so vulnerable right now,in my head its always been there 'WHATS WRONG WITH ME?' goodness!i've been asking this question for quite a long time...i think for a 100 years of my existence hahahha KIDDING!  well,i decided to find new topic about my self to post,so last night as i was texting with my cousin his name is ...JEFFERSON  RAPADA...i ask him if he can send me funny messages so he send me some of his precious phone messages u can read it after the break hahhaha im sooooooo out of the world right now

    "Always remember,no matter how bad you are not useless,you can always be used as a....BAD example..." hahahha

    "Juan : bag-o lagi ug pental imong atop?"
    "Pedro : mao nay advice ni Fr. Jose sa misa gahapon "
    "Juan : unsa diay gisulte?"
    "Pedro : REPENT your SIN" hahhaha

    "Driver : palihug lang bi,kadtong mga bati ug nawng kanaogi  kay naay check point sa unahan..."
    ...usa ka pasahero nitubag...
    "unya noy,kinsa may mo drive?"plank hahahhahah

    "Titser : Juan late napud ka!pirme nalang,ok pangutan-on tika, Who is our national hero?
    "Juan : JOSE RIZAL mam
    "Titser : char naka chamba ang bugok!
    "Juan : aba,eh mam,kaila kang Petra?
    "Titser : wala!ngano man?
    "Juan : mao na diha!cge lang ka ug klase,kabit sa imong bana wa pa ka kaila? hahhahah " erf

    "Nanay : anak,kuhae ug hasang ang isda
    "Anak : W T F?
    "Nanay : unsa? What The Fuck?
    "Anak : dili nay oi, WHERE'S THE FISH?  hahahha lusot..."

    maybe some of it you dont understand because i use our own language in our place but if you could just understand you will be bursting out laughing  just like as i am right now hhahahhaha thanks to my dear cousin,maybe this post is just to corny but i really like jokes and funny ones ahhahah i easily get tickled...

    Its nice to laugh with someone and share your happiness with hahhahah now im becoming emo again well back to the game i wont spoil my day...just forget the problems and life's drama concentrate hahahha focus focus focus....^_^

    i live my life as i want it to be

    " its really nice to walk unto life without hassle,i dont mean anything when i say hassle,it simply just I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST... if im single until now well  its my choice so i cant blame other persons on my emptiness and so i cant point finger unto someone because im alone and single,for me it doesn't matter WHY? because as i choose these life to walk through i am very blessed for what i experience,how i see the world that i say very awesome and so perfect and how i enjoy the life God has given me. I dont have regrets because i get tp see the flip side of the reality that other people didn't see,now i feel better cause to the people i love i know they love me with my imperfection and i know wont turn their back at me.

    I thank my mama,she takes care of me even if im too old to be taken cared of,yes!im too dependent on her to the point i cant eat if its not her work,i cant sleep if i cant bully her,i cant sleep if i dont know where she is , i cant do anything thats been messing up and shes the one who takes the burden to clean up my mess,its not im making my mama do all this things but she willingly do it and this is the reason why im so dependent on her i cant even cook my own food,i'll burn them hahhahah  she really makes it to the point that me and my brother wont do anything if shes not around were so dependent on her,she was my angel i know i've let her down for some reason thats why as i was growing up and fulfilling my dreams now i make it to the point shes included in everything i do,everything i've wanted to and everything that will happen to my life i want to pay back the hard work and the love my mama was showing me,i cant live without her...i cant live without my father they both make me a person...even if im alone,thingking of them makes me smile cause i know im single yet i have them and i got a chance to glance every time i want at them...
    Life is too short to be wasted to people who will turn their back at u,not enough and also torn u into pieces.much more pound u as if nothing will be left to you...very strong words, but so true,none of us people would admit what i say,but we all know we are all ungrateful person,because we are all not perfect its just we should be more loyal,honest,lovable,and more likely a God fearing person...i hope i gotta live my life without regrets...

    Thursday, July 21, 2011

    the man who makes me complete

    "This is the man i really admire,i really look up to him,WHY? cause his good and very talented he makes me laugh..."

    I really want to go Singapore to see him whatever the obstacles that will block on my way...hahahahha IM SO CRAZY when it comes to him...i miss him hope to see him soon...

    I dont ask to find someone like his looks but a person thats thesame as Wang have...a good attitude,manners,a man with strong affirmation, and a very honest and loving man...

    Wednesday, July 20, 2011

    thank you to my reader

    When i was scanning my archives i saw a comments thats been filter into spam, i read it and then mark it as NOT A SPAM so it appears at the bottom...i was then strike by my thoughts that someone is reading my blog also,cause i really thought NO ONE will ever want to read my write ups hahahha its just all about my boring life...nothing so special about the stories just simple blues in m life.

    I just wanna say thank you to the person he lift up a part of me,i am more push to write more hahah even if its nonsense...well this is my alter ego anyways...

    my wrong thoughts about something

    It happens that i was struggling very hard to fight my own emotions...WHY? that will be probably some of the questions people will throw at me. At first I really dont know the answer myself... Im confused,am i so this heartless? this is just one of the questions I've been asking myself also for such a long time. Why cant i love the way other love someone? Why is it no one ask me if i could be their girl,whats wrong? Whats with me that im so hard to love by people?... HOW SAD AND PITY... At first i feel sorry for my self. But lately i know the answer somehow, maybe because i chose too,not because they dont want me...simply because i chose to be Single and Independent on things,i wanna venture my life growing up just by myself,i chose a lonely life for others to see. Somehow i do agree that the life i chose is so empty and im so alone,but part of that emptiness and a winding path of loneliness is the chance i have to be with my family,i gotta chance to be close to them to patch up the times im working. They are the ones who makes me push through my limits,gives me the reason to work hard,inspires me the most and most of all they are the reason why still holding on.

    But on the contrary, i realize as i was dependent on them,i saw something they have that i dont have... I have them,thats not a doubt, but they are complete already, me i just have them,its awesome but still always left alone at the end of the day. This really makes me sad and devastated, i once had a best friend, thought i can lend on the person always, but then the person bug down my existence because the person i was talking about has his own life also, i jsut found out he has a loveone already, i feel sorry for myself, cause everytime i look around i see faces possess happiness because they have something i dont have, I always told my self DONT WORRY THE RIGHT ONE WILL COME ALONG, but how much longer? im not in a hurry but it seems people fades too fast.........HOW WAS THAT HUH?.....thinking about this really makes me angry not just mad,im feeling something like this because im alone, envy to them? No im not,im just jealous maybe for the fact they are brave enough to love despite the fact they are not sure about the person, because im not that strong to face circumstances like people have...Id rather be alone than hurting myself,yah they feel happy but sometimes in the end ends up hurting, for me i dont wanna go into something i will be hurt...Id rather die hahhahah well can you see now that my perspective are too lousy and strong and very much wrong but thats my prerogative, until now aint no one can break my wrong thoughts hahhaha