my wrong thoughts about something

It happens that i was struggling very hard to fight my own emotions...WHY? that will be probably some of the questions people will throw at me. At first I really dont know the answer myself... Im confused,am i so this heartless? this is just one of the questions I've been asking myself also for such a long time. Why cant i love the way other love someone? Why is it no one ask me if i could be their girl,whats wrong? Whats with me that im so hard to love by people?... HOW SAD AND PITY... At first i feel sorry for my self. But lately i know the answer somehow, maybe because i chose too,not because they dont want me...simply because i chose to be Single and Independent on things,i wanna venture my life growing up just by myself,i chose a lonely life for others to see. Somehow i do agree that the life i chose is so empty and im so alone,but part of that emptiness and a winding path of loneliness is the chance i have to be with my family,i gotta chance to be close to them to patch up the times im working. They are the ones who makes me push through my limits,gives me the reason to work hard,inspires me the most and most of all they are the reason why still holding on.

But on the contrary, i realize as i was dependent on them,i saw something they have that i dont have... I have them,thats not a doubt, but they are complete already, me i just have them,its awesome but still always left alone at the end of the day. This really makes me sad and devastated, i once had a best friend, thought i can lend on the person always, but then the person bug down my existence because the person i was talking about has his own life also, i jsut found out he has a loveone already, i feel sorry for myself, cause everytime i look around i see faces possess happiness because they have something i dont have, I always told my self DONT WORRY THE RIGHT ONE WILL COME ALONG, but how much longer? im not in a hurry but it seems people fades too fast.........HOW WAS THAT HUH?.....thinking about this really makes me angry not just mad,im feeling something like this because im alone, envy to them? No im not,im just jealous maybe for the fact they are brave enough to love despite the fact they are not sure about the person, because im not that strong to face circumstances like people have...Id rather be alone than hurting myself,yah they feel happy but sometimes in the end ends up hurting, for me i dont wanna go into something i will be hurt...Id rather die hahhahah well can you see now that my perspective are too lousy and strong and very much wrong but thats my prerogative, until now aint no one can break my wrong thoughts hahhaha